DraMione, True Love!
by sprinklesoverglass
Summary: This is a parody of a lot of DracoHermione cliches. I was reading the most horrible DraMione, and I just couldn't resist. So, here goes! R.R


DraMione Parody

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Hermione shuffled nervously and picked at the collar of her shirt. She knocked on the door of the Burrow tentatively, wondering what Harry was going to be like after Dumbledore had died. He was really scary when Sirius had died, yelling all over the place and throwing stuff. She hoped he wouldn't do it again. Mostly because the Weasely had a lot of stuff, and she would probably be expected to help clean up because of the 'I can't do anything even remotely mean or see someone be hurt even though I don't remember ever acting like that' personality.

"Mione!" Ron said when he answered the door, even though he'd never heard anyone call her that before. He looked her over and realized how stunningly beautiful she was. He led her back into the house trying to control his hormones, which were raging for the girl who had been his best friend for the past six years. They managed to get up the many flights of stairs in record time and entered Ron's room, where Harry was waiting. "Psst, Harry! Hermione's a girl!" Hermione, being temporarily deaf, and stupid for someone so smart, didn't hear his comment.

"Hi, Harry!" she said slowly. Harry, noticing that he finally had an audience, as Ginny (his girlfriend) had appeared in the room, contorted his face with all of the emotions he had ever felt.

"HE'S GONE! ITS MY FAULT! WAAAAH!" Harry screamed. Hermione, being very sensitive, burst into tears, and Ron stood with his mouth agape. Ginny picked at her cuticles. "OMG! HE'S GONE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL EVER DO WITHOUT DUMBLEDORE! DEATH EATERS WILL TAKE OVER! WE'LL ALL DIE! STUPID! BLOODY HELL! NUTTER! WAAAH!" Harry shrieked, grabbing a pillow and chucking it at Ginny. This brought her back to real life.

"Harry, Harry, it's ok! If you stop yelling, I will shag you really hard later! Since I am such a slut, even though there was no evidence I was ever a slut!" Ginny cried. Ron, seeing his best friend go after his little sister, even though it was completely obvious that they had loved each other for ages, and he had tried to get them together at the end of fourth year, got super-angry and swung a fist at Harry. "No! Not Harry! I love Harry!" Ginny cried, watching from Ron's bed. Hermione started crying harder.

"I'LL KILL YOU! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLED BY VOLDEMORT!" said Ron, who was suddenly no longer scared of saying Voldemort. Hermione wailed.

"I LOVE HER!" screamed Harry. Ron stopped, mid-punch.

"Fine. I'm ok with it. Just don't talk about it in front of me," Ron said grumpily. Then he turned his attention back to Hermione, who had stopped crying very suddenly, and was looking beautiful again, no red-nose or puffy-eyes in sight. Hermione, being exceptionally dumb, didn't notice Ron's desperate attempts at wooing her with his flirting skills.

The next day they boarded the Hogwarts Express, just like always.

"Oh, guys, we have to go to the meeting!" Hermione said excitedly. Somehow, Harry had been added to the prefects list, even though he wasn't assigned to be one. So they all dashed down the train corridor to the meeting room. Because Ginny was a prefect too. Hermione walked into the Heads' compartment and saw Draco Malfoy there,looking irresistably sexy, in a pointy faced, ferrety, sex God kind of way. "What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, looking over his sexy, newly tousled hair and strong Quidditch body, even though Quidditch didn't require any physical exertion from anyone except the beaters.

"Hello, Mudblood. I happen to be Head Boy because I am amazingly sexy and wealthy, and although it's never been said in the books, I also happen to be incredibly intelligent, and long for someone to talk to, because everyone in Slytherin is dumb as a doornail. And my dad beats me because I'm second to a Mudblood."

"Oh," said ulta-caring Hermione, looking at the boy in a new light.

Draco looked Granger over. Even though he had always found her repulsive, her bushy hair and superintelligency was a combination he suddenly found irresistable. He wanted to shag her right there. It must be his secret Veela traits.

"Don't 'oh' me, Mudblood. You have no idea what it's like," he said coldly, even though he loved her now.

"I'm only worried about you, Draco!" she said.

"Well I don't need your pity!" he spat, and looked away.

"Welcome, and congratulations to our new Head Boy and Girl, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger!" Dumbledore said to his students.

Hermione looked around gratefully and smiled at the applause. She ate dinner with her friends, but then was called up to the professors table.

"I will lead you to your dormitory," Professor McGonagall said to Draco and Hermione. "Follow me."

When they got to a portrait of the four Founders, McGonagall stopped.

"You will share a common room and a bathroom," she said. "The password is 'Ferretbooks'. Good day."

As she stalked off, the two glared at each other.

"Well, are you going to open the door or just stand there and be useless, Mudblood?" he growled, even though it pained him to be so mean to the one he loved.

"Eurgh!" Hermione cried. "Why don't you?"

"Because I am your superior."

"I HATE YOU! YOU STUPID FERRET!" Hermione screamed. "Ferretbooks!"

They got into the common room and were suddenly blinded. One half of the room was completely done up in fiery red and sunny gold, and the other half in dark green and shiny silver.

They stomped off to their rooms, both blinded again when they got to their rooms, even though Green and Silver weren't blinding colors.

In the middle of the night, Hermione heard Draco whimpering. She, being the caring soul no one ever knew, but just assumed, that she was, she crept into his room and sat on his bed. "Draco, Draco, wake up!" she whispered urgently. "It's just a dream!"

He opened his eyes slightly, staring at the vision of beauty in front of him. "No, Hermione, it's not just a dream! My dad abuses me, and I can't have you!"

Hermione shook her head, her eyes filling up with tears, as they always did when anything even remotely out of the ordinary did. "Oh, Draco, you can have me! I love you! And we can escape your dad! We'll tell Dumbledore!"

And with that, Hermione pushed her mouth against his and kissed him fiercely, forgetting she hated him. They spent that night shagging endlessly, even though Hermione was a virgin and didn't know how to do it.

The next day, Hermione woke up with Draco in her arms, in a Green and Silver room. She was temporarily blinded, but then woke up and kissed Draco.

"Come on! We have to go to class!" Hermione said. Draco grumbled and got up and took a shower.

They walked down the hall holding hands, because Draco suddenly hated all Slytherins and Voldemort, and didn't care who saw him with a Mudblood.

"HERMIONE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM!" Ron shouted when he and Harry saw her and Draco together. "I HATE YOU YOU BLOODY FERRET!"

With that, Ron tried to punch Draco, but Draco easily dodged him.

"I love you Hermione, why can't you see that? Why did you choose Malfoy?" Ron asked her, teary-eyed.

"I love him! He's not evil anymore!" Hermione said desperately. Ron stormed off, so she turned to Harry. "You understand, right?"

"Yes! Ron is wrong! I'm going to totally abandon him and become friends with Draco now!" Harry said, turning his back on his friend. They walked away from Ron, holding hands.

Suddenly, Lucius apparated into Hogwarts, even though you can't apparate in Hogwarts.

"Son! How could you? She's a mudblood!" Lucius cried. Hermione threw up.

"Draco, I think I'm pregnant!" she whispered in his ear.

"Father! How could you say that about Mione! I love her! We had mad hot sex last night, and now she's pregnant with your grandson!" Draco cried.

"You're right!" Lucius said. "Hermione is actually the daughter of your mothers dear friend Amelia Jones, who is dead now! She sent Hermione to live with muggles when she died!"

Suddenly, Voldemort appeared. "I will have your child, Draco, he will be mine to sacrifice! He will make me powerful, even though that makes no logical sense!" Voldemort cried/hissed.

"NO! I HATE YOU!" Draco screamed. And then, Harry killed Voldemort, and Draco killed Lucius.

Hermione, of course, was sobbing. Like always.

"Oh, baby, its ok!" Draco said, wrapping an arm around her. He kissed her forehead. "Lets name the baby James, after Harry's dad, because he is my best friend now!"

Suddenly, Harry disappeared and Draco and Hermione started shagging like rabbits.

A few months later, there was a beautiful triple wedding, during which Ron got married to Pansy, Harry got married to Ginny, and Hermione got married to Draco. And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
